Movie Review: Lady Ninja Kaede
Posted by representingpuroresu on 02/01/2010
Made a trip to Best Buy to replace a broken PS2 controller (it lasted nearly 4 years under my style of gameplay…that’s saying something but make them more durable, Sony! It’s the first controller I’ve had that I’ve ever broken!) so I glanced at the DVDs real quick of course and saw this one…perfect. Tokyo Shock film. Japanese extra-cheese flick. Ninjas and samurai. And of course a very well-endowed lady ninja on the front cover…know where this is going, right? Want to know more? The click below for my review of the latest Tokyo Shock classic to reach my library-Lady Ninja Kaede. Advisory-this is probably NSFW.
She’s a looker, isn’t she? Anyway, this movie is set during the era of Yoshimune, the 8th Shogun of Japan, where villages are generally peaceful on the outside, but deep down there is evil. A lot of naughty stuff goes on deep in the city and it affects everyone, namely the women-this is where Kaede (pictured above, played by Japanese AV idol Mai Nadasaka, and that becomes obvious when, during the opening scene…wardrobe malfunction!) comes into play. She lives & trains with Lady Ninja Yumeama, an elder who likes her shirts thin. Too thin. As in see-through. And her watchkeeper, he of bad gray hair and who is all too happy to give Yumeyama “massages” upon request. But something isn’t right so she quickly does the standard ninja disappearing act, which doesn’t work well with this guy because he won’t let the lady go outside since she’s too much of a danger and is imprisoned by the Shogun. Seems her specialty is fanservice. Then we meet Koharu, Kaede’s older (and of course ultra-cute) sister, who is employed by a former samurai, Kichiemon, who Koharu seems to be hot for, and vice versa. Then…what’s this? Cheesy commerical interludes just like in anime! Funny! Then we’re finally introduced to Kaede, who it seems is either married to Kichiemon or looks like the woman he married. All’s well until some old hat-wearing samurai then barges in looking for Koharu. And out comes the sword and in comes your typical animal-mask-wearing type and all bets are off. Which means Koharu is all tied up and bound while Kaede is held at sword-point while what you’d expect to be done to Koharu here is althoush at some point Kaede does manage to sneak away. Seems there was some money involved in what happened to Koharu, which talks in this town. Kaede manages to reach Kichiemon and tell him what happened then…Cheesy commerical interlude #2! (I think this was a made-for-TV flick in Japan) And it all results in Koharu hanging herself. That’s just brutal…but we soon see that perhaps Kichiemon is in on it all. Interesting. Then…cheesy commerical interlude #3! When we resume, Yumeama starts sneaking around again, winding up above Kaede’s room and they figure out that apparently Kichiemon & Kaede do have feelings for each other…only those clumsy elders inadvertently break it up. Haha. Yumeama finally convinces her watcher Jii to help out, while someone mysterious watches. Then cheesy commerical interlude #4! Now we finally get to the samurai stuff, meaning the slicing and dicing and good stuff. At least until Yumeama makes them all go to sleep. Then when the spell wears off, the coup d’etat as Jii gives Yumeama something that essentially makes her go borderline psycho. Strong stuff. And what happens next is…well…crazy. And the end to it all…Cheesiest. Stuff. Ever. But Yumeama getse what she needs to-this is all Kichiemon’s doing. And it seems he’s quite the playa. And his next target supposedly is Kaede, who isn’t convinced. It’s on now. Soon that mystery man reveals more then cheesy commercial interlude #5! Kichiemon still can’t keep his hands off Kaede, it seems, and what you’d expect happens next. Well, sort of…at least until Koharu reurns from the dead. Brilliant timing! But…ah, it actually is Yumeama! And that mystery dude we’ve been seeing before the commercial interludes! This guy’s name apparently is Tadasuke, and he’s a high-ranking badass. Good with a sword and without. But it’s short-lived as the job on Kichiemon is finished by Kaede. Which means death for her. And it sets Uymeama off again. But not before we go back to that silly storyteller who’s about to get conned again. Or not. This time he avoids getting nailed. Pun intended. Menawhile, it turns out Kaede wasn’t really Kaede. Enter another Kaede who Umeyama is told to use as Lady Ninja Kaede to lead a new division of punishers of those who commit sex crimes. Right up Umeyama’s alley. So all’s well that ends well…especially when Umeyama learns she could never seduct Jii because…erll…he is indeed odd. Only made worse because Kaede just has to ask about it! One final cheesy commercial interlude, of course it’s the funniest of all them, then we’re back to what we see at the beginning, with Umeyama & Kaede continuing their work in hunting down those who would torture and abuse women and showing no mercy. And of course we get to see Kaede do her thing…and let’s just say this isn’t the kind of service you want from a woman. Daaaaaamn! What a way to go out! But we also see she’s just as good with a sword, of course.
Oh man, where to start…I’ve seen cheesy films but this tops them all! To describe this…you know those films that air on Cinemax between midnight & 4 AM every night? That’s essentially what this is-a samurai-themed film that’s more an adult movie, roughly 1/3 of the film is sex with a little bit of violence and some ridiculous humor mixed in for good measure. Certainly not what I expected when I picked this up at Best Buy. Really! But it’s not a bad film, I did enjoy it although I expected A LOT more action and swordplay, but there’s enough fanservice and other stuff to make up for it. This is something I’d certainly watch again , but just remember this isn’t your typical swords & samurai flick. But if you just want to watch for the girls doing their thing, go ahead. Not quite a masterpiece but it’s fine for what it is. If it were a pizza, I couldn’t put enough cheese on it though. I’d just like to know how I found what essentially was an adult movie at Best Buy. Granted, I didn’t know it was and didn’t expect it to be one!
“Lady Ninja Kaede” stars Mai Nadasaka, Yume Imano, Miyoko Sakura, Masato Takaoka & Masamitsu Tonai. Directed by Hiroyuki Kawasaki. Originally released in Japan in 2007 by Byakkomaru/Junk Film/Bunkasha. Released in US in 2009 by Tokyo Shock. In Japanese with English subtitles. 76 minutes. Not rated. Contains semi-explicit sexuality, nudity and some violence. Not for anyone under 18-if this were rated, it’s easily an NC-17 or maybe even an X.
Rating (1-10): 7 (Good).
Recommendation: Check it out if you like the idols featured in it, otherwise borrow it from someone who has it and keep your expectations low. Very low. This is little more than live-action fanservice, the stuff that you’d expect to see in anime.
DVD extras/features: Trailers for other such films (including one such film like this and 2 others I’ve seen and recommend-Sukeban Deka: The Movie and The Machine Girl).
Available on DVD from Tokyo Shock.